It’s been such a bittersweet time for me recently. I’ve noticed I have been throwing the words goodbye, ta-ra, and cheerio around to many people I know over the past couple of weeks. And no we’re not talking about sloppy breakups and heartbreak here. I’m talking my therapist, my lecturer, my driving instructor, and my work colleagues. I feel like it’s happening all at once and all in one go. Saying goodbye to people that have been in my life for a long amount of time has been really tough. Of course I am happy that I’m moving forward in life and achieved what I wanted to achieve. But, there is something so bittersweet about parting ways with people who you don’t necessarily need anymore. You’re somehow forced to say goodbye when you don’t really want to.
This feeling dawned upon me once I finished up with my last university lecture and I suddenly realised, this is actually it. Finished. Complete. The end of an era. And with that realisation, apprehensions came flooding that I’m not going to have this routine anymore. The routine and familiarity is definitely hard to let go of. Especially that comfort and security. I won’t be getting up thirty minutes before my lecture starts and frantically running to university ever again. I won’t see my lecturer and one and only coursemate again. Yes, you read that right. My university class was just myself and one other student…
Anyway I stood there, in the bare classroom (which was actually my lecturer’s office) frozen in my thoughts whilst my course mate willingly packed up her bags to leave. “Goodbye then,” my lecturer said, and that was it.
That was it? Three years of university ends just like that. Something that I had been so accustomed to in my life, came to its finale just like that? I don’t know what I was expecting to be honest but it felt very anticlimactic. The big question came streaming in from my parents and friends, “how does it feel to be finished uni?” and I somehow didn’t quite know the answer…
I imagine I should chiefly feel happy, thrilled, and over the moon. Instead, I found myself stuck down ‘memory lane’ reflecting on the nostalgia of it all. Trapped in my head watching a private cinema screening of photo film memories of what once was.
Akin to how the other day I passed my driving test. Thank goodness for that! However, once I felt the relief of passing, I realised that I would not be seeing my most lovely driving instructor anymore, which was a bittersweet moment. We practically became friends. It wasn’t just learning to drive, it was a weekly catch-up of our weekends and updating her on how I was getting on in life. We got to know each other and I was now saying yet another goodbye.
To add to this, I left my part-time job. My first ever job. The job that I got once I started university. A real full-circle moment for me. As I left university, I left my job too. But the guaranteed thing I knew I was going to miss the most (which made me cling to the job for as long as I could) was the people. My friends. It was just a little card shop with the four of us working there so we were bound to be friends from the beginning. Of course, we will stay in touch, but not as often as we used to since it was the job that kept us connected really.
It’s strange how when things end, the positive things come to the forefront of your mind rather than the bad things that happenned. I can think of many negative things that occurred at my job, at university, and on my driving lessons. But, I subconsciously choose to focus on the good. With a little Google search I found this to be described as seeing life through rose tinted coloured glasses, romanticism, rosy retrospection, and selective memory.
On top of that, I find myself reflecting on what occurred during the times I was with these people, at university, and at my job. All the little memories flood in. Like my friend moving out of her house, or my childhood dog passing away, or having the best summer of my life in 2023. That’s what keeps me stuck in a cyclone of nostalgia.
To take away from this it’s made me realise how lucky I am to have met such wonderful people. Without these people, I wouldn’t have had the wonderful experiences and memories to look back over. This reminds me of this quote by Winnie the Pooh:
“how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”
Of course, all of these instances I’m saying goodbye to, are for a good reason. I will no longer need to see my driving instructor because I passed my test. I will no longer be at university because I got my degree. I will no longer be at my part-time job because of a career advancement. So despite the feelings of sadness, it’s important not to forget the good. Such as how far I have come and how much I have achieved. There was a day when I couldn’t drive at all. Not one bit. Now, I can! There was a day where writing academic essays felt alien to me and I doubted I could even do it. There was a day where I was nervous to get a job for the first time. I can now say I have surpassed all of these things.
From writing this article, I realise you can take snippets of people with you in life. If people truly had a positive impact on the way they made you feel, then why not continue practising that yourself? For me, it was the happy and chirpy personality of my driving instructor. She was like sunshine. My colleagues made me feel grateful to have female friendships. The love and support we shared for one another was truly wonderful. I think I will choose to bring these little pieces of people with me in the way I act, talk, and love. As they say “all good things come to an end” and that’s what makes life precious and all the more valuable. These moments, opportunities, and people become a fragment of your journey in life, but you can look forward to the future with pride, positivity, and a warm feeling in your heart.
Well, that’s the end of this article! I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic and any experiences you may have had with saying goodbye. Let’s have a chit-chat in the comments!
P.S. Thank you for all of the kindness towards my previous post ‘Navigating a mother-daughter relationship.’ I am so warmed by your comments of your own experiences and I feel so happy that this article reached so many people who feel the same way. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Bye for now,
Ciara <3
Absolutely spectacular writing!!!
So many milestones!! Congrats on passing your driving test AND finishing your degree Ciara!! Very curious to know what subject you were doing to only have one course mate, that's mad! I completely relate to everything you've said here - I left uni last year and it was so jarring to wake up one day and have my whole routine, friendships, relationships, priorities, the lot, change overnight. It really made me realise how much I coasted through not really taking in the special moments because I needed to finish an essay or because I saw my friends every day. Now these things are so much more rare, I treasure the memories far more. Goodbyes can feel really abrasive and scary, but I love how you're reframing it as opportunity! I wish I'd done that last year. A much better way to look at it!!